ALIEN: Manticore

This is really beautiful Blackwinter-witch, i've featured it so as many people as possible can see it.

PhoenixFire

Quoting you:

"Boring, shows no real creativity."

Which is an opinion formed from reading a few Excerpts, which came with warnings about not being fully editted and all that other cautionary such.
Though, I doubt you actually read any of the cautions...or did more than skim the excerpts.

Also, the excerpts are a very TINY part of the 50-thousand-word workpiece, and it is not done yet. There is as I have said in previous posts a major block-edit in progress.
So, congrats for showing your inability to comprehend the 'Iceberg' principle and simply judging inaccurately based on seeing the 'tip' of it.
Amazing how well you managed to belittle, insult and embarrass yourself with your comment above.

If you're going to play at being a Critic, then do a Critique properly, otherwise you're just coming off as insulting and abusive.
Also, wait for the finished work as trying to Critique based on excerpts is just absolutely bloody ridiculous.

Lilly (Svanya)

THANK-YOU!!! TY VERY much!!! :D I never expected such, so you rather caught me by surprise...and I am NOT complaining!! :D
I'm very happy you like my works!!
Your praise of it above, well, leaves me at a loss for words, but very glad and happily so, as I never expected to hear such compliments nor the word 'Beautiful' about my work!! :D
Thank-You for the gratifying surprise!! :)

Congrats Blackwinter Witch. You have inspired so many writers on here, its nice to see you justly rewarded :) 

Hats off to you 

IRaptus

TY!! :)
I have to say, it feels good to have helped others. There's people here with some real talent and great ideas!!

It's 8:46 AM where I live, and this marks 15 hours of editing work on ALIEN: Manticore. I'm gonna post this, then go chase Aliens in my dreams, or get chased by them...either way, I'll get some sleep. :D

There's still a lot of work ahead, but every hour spent working on it, brings it's completion closer.

I am very much looking fwd to the moment when I post here in this forum (Under a new Topic thread) that it's released, with links to download it. :)
My main hope and goal in that is to trigger a new wave of inspiration and motivation amongst all my fellow writers here in continuing on with their works.
I've read some, and was quite impressed!! Therefore my hope is to stoke their fires of motivation and drive to help them continue.

I will be releasing ALIEN: Manticore in PDF format, and I am trying to figure out how to embed audio files into a PDF so that for certain chapters, appropriate 'mood' music can be played by the reader if they choose.
I've looked it up, there's various ways to do it and one of them has to work for me. If nothing else, I can just use some Youtube links which is clumsy, but functional.

ALIEN: Manticore is also going to expand beyond the companion story I have planned.
(ALIEN: Manticore; Paradise is in temporary stasis as I need to see ALIEN: Covenant to be able to do ALIEN: Manticore; Paradise properly)
ALIEN: Manticore; Annihilation is set to address where the derelict of LV-426 was going and why.
It might be a short story, possibly a novella, it's tough to say right now.

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Godzilla: King of the Monsters

NO apologies needed!! TY for the courtesy and the thoughtfulness, but all's good! :)
Thank-you also for the length of your post, I found it very complete and informative, as well as easy to read and assimilate the content of!

Thank-you for reading my Excerpts!! Very glad you enjoyed them! Feedback like that helps me stay on course, in a manner akin to a lighthouse/nav beacon buoy for a ship at see.
On behalf of Something Real I again extend Thanks!! I have PM'd them the quote from your post!

Essays are tough, and anyone who can do them well, especially in a 600-word limit-factor I applaud the talent and skills of!!
I do essays myself, as what are essentially extended 'notes' for developing a story, to have my 'rules' set down as to the 'what' and the 'why' so I can avoid continuity errors.
That said, yes I do understand Essay writing, and yeah, it can be fun, it's a challenge and a puzzle, but also a sense of doing something with 'weight' and meaning.

Editing is a writers best ally and tool/technique. I've grown to enjoy it as it allows me to go back, fine-tune, and polish things better. I can also include ideas that have come along in the meantime, which is what's going on right now with my story. :)
This allows me full freedom to just blast through a first-draft, get the Ideas and such out as I know it can be sloppy and such, but will be redressed, fixed, trimmed, polished and such later on in editing...editing makes writing a lot less complicated, I find.

The Human Element...I and many writers have a struggle with that, so rest assured you are not alone. Introducing characters, again, it can be tough, and every writer always has a bit of a challenge with that as well. Character drafts are a great tool to use, as it gives you a solid reference point to work from, and often lends inspiration as you progress.

Toho Productions...Perhaps, with some slight alterations, you could re-adjust some of the stories/elements in them to abide their rules and thus be Publishable? Then you have the Original work in your archive, but a version you can present to them. If not, well, the realms of fanfiction are truly where ANYTHING is possible. Perhaps you could accept donations from people reading your fan-fiction? You'd have to check the legality of such, but I am aware some people have done such. ;)

I'll be posting another Excerpt soon, picking them is a challenge as I want to do 'teasers' but avoid 'spoilers'. I have some good candidates though, so NP. :)

I think I replied to all the points, if I missed anything, please let me know!

///

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Thank-you again! :) Also, you're quite welcome! Glad I didn't miss any points, Ty for confirming I didn't.

You won't be waiting much longer, just about to select it and post an Excerpt right now :)

BWW- IDK if you recall. It was right around early March when some of us were offering support for your work- moral and future financial. At that time I think you may have been shopping the idea to perhaps even FOX. I wrote that ultimately I would like a PDF version I could print out, punch holes in and put in a binder, sprawl on a couch and read. Personally the offer stands. You saw follow through with the script prize. Same goes. Stay frosty!

ALIEN: Manticore

EXCERPT from 4th Editing Pass
Please Note: Editing is still presently Ongoing. This is a work-in-progress still at this time.

Excerpt begins***********

Sharie and Declan had finished the barriers, and the fruits of their labours yielded pieces that looked as if they’d been cut out of the derelict itself by high-precision tools. With that completed, and the wildcatter moved, they had checked over the drones, did some small repairs and got them ready for the task ahead, then prepped the crawler-caddies. The two had then called it a day, and slept as if comatose, brains and bodies equally exhausted from hard physical and mental labours.
Smythe had gone back to work in the iso-tent that held so many mysteries and enticing discoveries, and worked until he was so tired that he had to have a drone help him back to the ship’s personnel lift. He slept the slumber of a man who had found something new and inspiring in life, who had found his ‘Eureka‘ moment.
King, who’d been bored and having little else to do, had tasked himself with the ‘housecleaning’ of the ship and slept soundly after hours of work that had been openly acknowledged and appreciated by his crewmates.
Sinjihnn had busied himself with numerous tasks that were a Captain’s province, such as the report he’d be sending to Weyland-Yutani about the fate of Nostromo, as well as the Prometheus. He wasn’t required to do so as they were not claiming salvage-rights, yet he felt that the courtesy should be offered as there’d been people aboard both ships who had those they left behind that would benefit from a sense of Closure. Still, he worded things with care, avoiding any mention of the alien derelict, the closely-similar alien vessel on the adjoining moon of the gas giant or the five large structures also found there.
He’d called the deep-range drone back a few hours previous, and it would wait with the barge they’d parked in orbit. He’d also ordered it to continuously scan for any indications of other active starships in the area.
Before it had departed on it’s return, it had started detecting some extremely bizarre, unbelievably complex and highly-reactive organic substances in the atmosphere around the alien vessel grounded amidst the wreckage of Prometheus. He hadn’t liked that, and the drone had found enough evidence on the hull of the alien vessel to show that for whatever reason, Prometheus had collided with it. That had piqued his curiosity, and from the debris showered across such a large area, computer modelling he’d called up had been able to closely approximate altitude, vector and speeds…the final computer reconstruction showing it to be an undeniably deliberate high-velocity ramming that Prometheus had carried out. He’d liked that even less, it spoke of desperate measures in an extremely harrowing situation. He hoped that the lifeboat ejected from Prometheus had had it’s auto-recorder functions engaged, then they’d have a definitive record of the lost vessel’s last minutes.
There was a pattern forming around these two worlds that orbitted an unremarkable gas giant. Zeta 2 Reticuli was turning out to be a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in mystery and split between two moons.
Like most Humans, he enjoyed a challenge and some mystery, but this situation was getting more complicated all the time and every bit of the evidence demonstrated with crystal-clarity it was all extremely dangerous.
Five ships and their crews had all met a horrible end in visiting this system: Prometheus, Nostromo, Anesidora and two other vessels.
He considered the trip they would be making to the nearby companion moon with great care and deliberation as he reviewed the deep-range drone’s data about the lander specifically. Twice, the drone’s vid footage showed what were light sources visible through the lander’s port-side hatch window and the cockpit windows. They bobbed and moved about, indicative of hand-held light sources. They’d been seen during both day and night, which suggested strongly to the Captain there was something seriously wrong with the small craft’s electrical systems, the lack of a distress beacon puzzled him also for a minute. People had been seen in the cockpit a few times as well, once using binoculars and observing the drone, yet had made no overt effort to attract attention, instead they seemed to be keeping an eye on it. If they were in trouble, they weren’t acting like it, and his thoughts turned to the history of destroyed computers, beacons and related equipment aboard the two ships they’d found thus far.
Something was going on, and while he had no real way to know exactly ‘what’, he knew enough now to consider the people in the lander craft to be at best highly-suspect, and quite possibly very dangerous.

Selinaehra had gently settled Mannie in her catbed in their quarters. The young Lynx kitten had been exhausted, but was still determined to play with her mistress despite constant yawning and sleep steadily overtaking her. Her determination had gotten an adoring chuckle from her mistress until sleep finally won out, thereupon she’d been scooped up and had essentially been gently ‘poured’ into her catbed. Mannie yawned one last time and curled up, entering serious sleep after a long and busy day with her people, safe and content.
Leaving the kitten to sleep, Selinaehra tracked her husband down on the bridge, finding him working on the report he was intending to send to Weyland-Yutani. Coming up beside his console, she side-sat on the edge and draped herself on his back so she could put her arms around him with her hands on his chest. She noted the video footage from the drone over on the other world orbiting the gas giant on the main monitor of his console, the report he was composing in a secondary monitor. She easily sensed her husband’s mood from his scent, the set of his face in many tiny ways that spoke of a subdued tension and possible danger.
“One of these days, you’re going to simply forget how to sleep.” She jibed.
“I get plenty in the freezers.” He said, squeezing her hand affectionately, then rapidly single-handed typing a sentence in the report as he figured out the way he wanted to word it.
“Tell me we’re leaving this place, soon.” She said, tone hopeful of getting an answer she liked.
“We will be, after Smythe has had a decent chance to play with everything that he has to deal with. To us, it‘s just a big, weird alien ship. To him, it‘s the pinnacle of his career as a man of science. It‘s everything to him.” Sin told her.
“That’s what? A few more days?” She asked, idly toying with his hair.
“A week at most, I expect, maybe two. He’s happier than I‘ve ever seen him, this is important to him and soon to become a genuine once in a lifetime opportunity.” Sin said, bringing up the projected blast radius of the wildcatter’s engine detonation on an auxiliary monitor, tapping it for emphasis.
Selinaerha nodded in agreement. Smythe was her husband’s oldest and closest friend, akin to being a surrogate father or uncle. That meant much to her, and if accommodating him was required, she had no objections.
“A week I can handle, two if I need to and I’m starting to get acclimatized to this oddball little space rock. Three weeks though, I start looking for a place to build our house.” She said jokingly.
“What’s not to like about it? Gloomy atmosphere, twisted, spooky nightmare-inducing rock formations, an alien derelict starship from time before knowing filled with visceral horrors and mystery, yeah it’s actually Planet Disney…for Lovecraft fans.” Sin jibed at her with a chuckle.
“Funny, ha-ha. Don’t quit your day-job. You suck as a comedian.” Selinaehra said deadpan then with an amused chuckle that complemented his own.

Excerpt Ends*************

Blackwinter-witch I no see but I do bump!

BLACK-WINTER WITCH - This latest exceprt was increidbly interesting! I very much enjoy the way in which you portray the interactions which take place between your characters - there is a feeling of legitimacy to the relationships you have established! Thank you ever so much continuing to share this exceptional adventure with us! :)

dk

TY for the 'Bump' :D

I do recall the events re; this last March, I haven't forgotten, and it's from your statement that I decided to release it in PDF format. :)
It's the most universal, so I figure that's best for everyone. If there's a better, more universal one, please let me know?
The offers you mention, those are cherished memories, I cannot ever frame in words how appreciative I am of all you guys!!

I am approximately 2 weeks from this work being Publish-ready, when it will be released.
That said, I am allowing myself a 3rd week if I need it to account for assorted real-world things such as spring yardwork and other commonplace things that life demands one's attention to.

Blackwinter-witch JUST DOO EEET! GET TO THE CHOPPA!

You know what? Someone some where will find fault with any artistic work. F%ck 'em! RS has certainly had his share of criticism!

Yeah- I am behind in yard work and such too. It's never done.

To loosely paraphrase a passage from The Matrix- Manticore will be ready when BWW says that it is ready.

Something Real

Yw and it's a pleasure to do so! :) TY also for posting on my thread!

This crew, I wanted to get away from the 'buncha strangers who work together' as if there's more connectedness between characters, you can develop them better, and it gives a better 'feel' of things for the reader I think.

I will give a bit of a 'spoiler'...

A New character will be joining the crew.

BLACK-WINTER WITCH - How neat! I can not wait to read more! :)

BLACK-WINTER WITCH - May I ask if the new crew member is male or female? Please? :)

dk

Yard work...a constant in the universe. :)

And Thank-you, Thank-you ALL for your attention to my efforts and support. I wish there were words that could say how much all you guys and your attention and support means to me!!
Also, I hope other aspiring writers see this, see your support of my works and mine of yours, and realizes they should maybe take the plunge and join us in this creative kinship. :)

I stated the above completion dates as I needed to give myself a 'finish-line', so to speak. If I have a 'destination', then I focus better and work better as without one there's an 'open-endedness' that messes with my head.
I can't describe it better than that, so I hope it made some kind of sense. :)

Criticism, yeah I can take it, but I find it funny when folks try to 'critique' an Unfinished work, that's all. :D

And yeah, RS sure has, but meets it all head on like the Captain of a North Atlantic Merchant Marine tradeer ship. I love that about him!

You are probably your worst critic.

Something Real

Glad your excited & looking fwd to seeing this all unfold! Only 2, maybe 3 weeks, at Most.
If need be, I will publish when I said I would, and release the 'Preferred Authors Edition' later.
But I won't leave any of you hanging.

Female character. :)

dk

I am TOTALLY my worst critic!!
But, I have learned how to use that, and it's actually a help in editing, I have to say. It makes me ask
"Is that truly the best you can do?"
So, helps me keep striving to be better...but it can be a merciless and vicious part of one's own mind.

Goody, Goody. Cant wait. I might do the same as DK and print it off at work and binder it all up for reading pleasure.

IRaptus

Sounds good to me!! I'm glad you guys are all looking fwd to this even and especially with ALIEN: Covenant looming over things :D
Just to say, when lurking about on here, I have the story open and am editing even as I wander around the forum. It really helps me focus my thoughts I've found.

BWW- As someone who used to write and record songs, there is a point where you can fiddle and tweak,  but at some point you need to just go with it and be done. You don't finish a project- you abandon it. Then you do the next work to hopefully improve or best the last- even it is in ways you only know but your audience doesn't. My 2 cents.

dk

I agree completely. I know what you mean about what I call 'The Endless Editing Loop'. That is also a reason why I specified a release date, as a safety net vs my getting caught up in such without noticing, as can happen.

As an example and life lesson I learned: 

A guy that a friend knows has been writing and re-working, editing, re-editing a dungeons & dragons type tabletop pen and paper RPG he developed.
He's been doing so for over 20 years now and keeps saying he'll find a game publisher when it's done....and it never gets done...endless editing loop.

So, yes, I completely agree with you and TY for reminding me of such!!! :)

///

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Thank-you for saying!! I really appreciate the feedback, it tells me that I am achieving the right 'feel' of things!! :D
Glad you've enjoyed the excerpts!! I've enjoyed sharing them as little teaser-y glimpses into my take on the ALIENverse. :)

To me, and from what I've read here in the forum, the 'Feel' is if not the main element of the ALIENverse, it's incredibly vital regardless. It's very important to me to be able to create and sustain the 'feel' for the reader.

Work is ongoing, as we speak. I'm doing this reply during a break from editing. :D
Things are shaping up nicely and if you thought things were rough for the crew of PROMETHEUS, all I will say is that they got off Easy. ;)

Small spoiler: There will be a 'Reverse Holloway Maneuver' in the story. :D

How to Un-Cook The Big Chap....

One major problem that stood in my way was how to give The Alien back it's power, it's mystique, make it frightening again.

This was especially problematic as in the course of the story there are some answers given about it.

What I can say without getting spoiler-y is that it won't get inside the ship...there's too much technology on a ship like inboard sensors and the like which give the crew too much advantage vs it.

I've been taking a good, long study of The Alien, the First One, the one that captivated us all and gave many of us nightmares to this day. :)
I can give The Big Chap back it's power, and what I've slowly worked out regarding The Alien over time re-affirms it's darkly beautiful and horrifying beauty, it's perfection in the eyes of the Natural World and an unforgiving universe.

There's Xenomorphs, Protomorphs and Neomorphs...

There's only ONE true Alien.