Dave 8 The Beginning : A working copy / rough draft

Very good. :)

Start with "Can he hear me?". The stuff before it feels like a cheesy exposition which if you want to remain true to how Prometheus is (ambiguous, and I don't mean that in a bad way) then you will not treat the audience like they are so stupid they need Weyland to say "I need a son who won't disobey me ever!). Because that's part of the mystery, which you are revealing to soon which is the question: Is Weyland making David without his own mind? Just my arrogant 2 cents. I've never written anything outside of a writing class or letter to the editor.

Another thing, Weyland having a long time friend? I don't see Weyland having any pals, especially not a theoretical scientist. I see Weyland as a manipulator, maybe schmoozing good talent but being best buds... Maybe pretending to be.

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some advice for you Patch, and others serious thinking of pursuing writing... Change your tense to past-tense - had, did, was, eyed etc. - its easier to read and is the most common tense used by authors. Determine your perspective - first or third - first is best used by a character remembering events, whereas third is best used as the voice of an "invisible narrator". After someone speaks, change paragraph - the rule is one persons lines per paragraph. Use punctuation marks - ? for a question, ! for making an exclamation. Remember the emotions and motives of you characters - he said ponderingly, she asked forcefully etc. Describe - remember to describe everything, your characters, locations etc. use common familar images that your readers can associate with. You'd be surprised how often even seasoned authors forget these rules.

Patch: Don't know what happened, but here is the only true rule that any cretive mind follows: "Do it as you feel like doing it, as it seems right to you, as it feels right to be done" even more so when it comes to writing.

@patch. I'm interested in what you come up with, don't give up. It's easy for me to see stuff I don't think works because I didn't write it. Besides, I like your Avatar/name humor.

Patch, what the hell? Why are you bailing? You 'could' listen to all the advice in the world, but will it make you happy? Personally, I like to TAKE THE PISS as a writer and PLAY WITH THE MIND of the reader. For example, in my 2001 adult-sci-fi novel SZMONHFU (pronounced "je m'en fous") from Eraserhead Press, I purposefully eliminated "traditional dialogue" by using the 'he said that he'd asked...' convention all through it. The reason? To ensure that the reader didn't CHEAT, skimming the dialogue as one can to dash through a book. Another was was to use the derogatory term 'shag' for every insult. Originality, flavour, YOU: that's the most important thing about ANY WRITER'S writing.

^^^^ what Free said ^^^^^

^^^what david said^^^

I love it when I read something interesting and the words blur away and a movie begins in my mind...You achieved that in just a few words...Nice Job! Please...write more. and... ^^^what free, dave and xeno said^^^

Glad you're back Patch. KEEP WRITING.

thanks for the post, still leaves me wanting to hear more!